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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25124122">the pain i feel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/adventuretrinity/pseuds/adventuretrinity'>adventuretrinity</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Banana Fish (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crying, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I cried writing this, M/M, Sad, Spoilers, banana fish back at it breaking my heart, i wrote this at 2am, very sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:27:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>485</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25124122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/adventuretrinity/pseuds/adventuretrinity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>when you die, the pain doesn't go away. instead, it goes to who you love most.</p>
<p>in other words, all of ash's pain gets transferred to eiji.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the pain i feel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the plane ride home was terrible. it wasn't until eiji was finally able to lock himself in his room that he stopped holding back.</p>
<p>and he cried.</p>
<p>the tears were hot and wet as they streamed down his face. they stung his eyes and he couldn't see. he bit on his hand to try and control his sobs, but to no avail.</p>
<p>he couldn't protect ash.</p>
<p>he never got a chance to hug him one last time, or even say goodbye. he knew ash wouldn't show up at the airport, but he kept his hopes high.</p>
<p>but that just made it hurt more when he was let down.</p>
<p>he couldn't say everything he wanted to in that letter. "my soul is always with you," he had said. he wanted to stay optimistic and he wanted, no he *needed* to be there for ash.</p>
<p>the pain was unbearable. he just wanted to see him one more time. he wanted to wrap himself in his arms and cry. he didn't want to be separated from ash.</p>
<p>he never even got the chance to tell ash that he loved him.</p>
<p>it's silly, they didn't know each other that long, but eiji has never felt such a strong connection to someone before. if soulmates were real, there was no doubt in eiji's mind that he and ash were meant to be.</p>
<p>too bad they never got the chance to find out.</p>
<p>he was shaking now, tears still falling. he wanted to hug ash again. even though he's now home in japan, he had never felt more at home than he did in ash's arms. he felt safe and felt like it was going to be okay.</p>
<p>he feels so lost in his room, in his own house. his real home was with ash.</p>
<p>he should've brought ash with him. they would be safe and sound together.</p>
<p>he feels incomplete without him, like a piece of him is missing. </p>
<p>he wanted ash back. </p>
<p>he wanted to run away from here and get on a plane back to america. he can almost imagine the scenario in his head.</p>
<p>"eiji?" ash would say, "what are you doing here?" his voice would be tense, as ash believed he wasn't safe with him, but in reality they were there to protect each other. eiji would just run into his arms. he would never let go.</p>
<p>he would never let ash go.</p>
<p>he fell asleep that night, dreaming of his happy ever after with ash.</p>
<p>it wasn't until the next morning when he felt truly broken.</p>
<p>ash's death was on the news, along with everything else that had happened.</p>
<p>eiji had never felt more alone in his life.</p>
<p>he would never forget ash.</p>
<p>he would never forget the bond they had.</p>
<p>he couldn't forget him. he was his world.</p>
<p>but now his world has broken.</p>
<p>and eiji needed to find the strength to repair it.</p>
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